Grief and Loss Library
Dying
Terminal Illness- Death and Grief
No one likes to think about illness and death, when we are well, we feel invincible and
there is nothing that can prepare us for the shock and devastation of a terminal
diagnosis. The knowledge that we can no longer take our lives or the lives we share with
our loved ones for granted takes away our ability to plan for the future and removes hope
from our lives. When a loved one becomes terminally ill, we grieve in anticipation of
their death, we grieve for the loss of them in our lives and we grieve for our own
mortality.
Do You Know Someone Who's Dying?
Too many people are dying alone.
The Lesson of a Mothers Death
Dedicated to my mother, Florence
Death of a Parent: Saying Good-Bye to Mommy or Daddy
Coping with the death of a loved one is never easy, regardless of how old you are when
that loss occurs. For children who lose a parent, however, the effects can be devastating,
indeed, and a plan will need to be put in place so that they can learn to accept this part
of the life cycle and move on in a healthy, balanced manner.
Dying? Not Me! Why You Should Plan for Transition
Remember the Eulogy projects we had to write back in High School? Death is a tough subject
to broach, and many would rather deny death then embrace it. Someone once said,
"...There are only two guarantees in life: Death and Taxes." How true is this
phrase? It is normally when we are faced with the imminence of dying or death that we only
begin making plans or arrangements for our transition.
Watching Death
Like it or not, we think in line with our customs and tradition often times, right down to
the level of how we think of death, or about death. I was a licensed counselor for many
years, and the issue came up a few times, and I was sad at its results, to hear Americas
shamefully trying to avoid talking about it. But let me put that aside and finish the
article. Yes customs and traditions set down; do play a big part in how we view death.
Death being a normal and natural thing; we mimic our parents and our TV heroes, and how
they portray death. Why so much gloom out there on death [?] It has been around for a long
time, as long as I've been around anyhow, fifty-seven years. It is often a taboo subject
to talk bout it in certain places. But you can see a lot of books on the subject; more
than I can count.
Scared to Death of Dying and Denying Grief
When I invited Martha to the gathering at my house, she accepted the invitation
cheerfully. Martha was new to the area and so I thought this small potluck I was hosting
would be a chance for her to get to know other women in our town. Martha stuck it out till
the end, softly responding to each person's questions about where she had moved from and
the details involving her current job. It was not until the last guest left that night
that she was able to utter her fears, "Oh, Alice, maybe I shouldn't have come."
Then she fell apart in tears.
Dying at Home - A Precious Gift
Few of us care to think about the inevitability of our own demise. We except that we are
not immortal, however for the most part, we are successful in putting thoughts of our own
death from our mind. When those close to us die, we painfully become aware of the
fragility of life and as we contemplate our own mortality, two things become very clear.
1. We do not want a painful death, and 2. We do not want to die in hospital.
Grief
One Womans Way of Dealing With Grief
All of us at one time or another have felt grief: perhaps over a lost job, lost love, or
the most heartbreaking, the death of someone we loved dearly. Each of us goes about the
task of grieving in our own distinct way.
Moving Beyond Grief and Loss
In my work as a coach and therapist, I have seen many clients dealing with losses of all
kinds?loss of loved ones through death and divorce, for instance. These experiences are
difficult for everyone.
Grief Masks
October makes me think of Halloween, and Halloween makes me think of masks, and masks
remind me that sometimes when we're grieving, we wear masks without even realizing it. We
may never stop to think about how other people perceive our appearances, our images and
our behaviors. Over time, we may gradually drift into a pattern of "being" that
is so familiar to us we never realize that others might be seeing us in a totally
different way.
How to Turn Grief into Joy
I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me, I was with my daddy when his spirit left his
body. I drove him to the emergency room because he was having chest pains. He said that
they weren?t too bad, and his color was good. He was still walking.
If Ever It Is Me
With my father, his brother and their father having had late onset Alzheimer's I can't
help but wonder if someday it will be my fate. This is what I have told my family.
Caregiving
How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief is the name given to the mix of emotions experienced when we are living
in expectation of loss and grieving because of it. Anticipatory Grief is particularly
relevant to those who have received a terminal diagnosis and for those who love and care
for them.
Anticipatory Grief and Ongoing Sadness for Caregivers
In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross published her famous book; On Death and Dying and later
went on to launch the Hospice movement in America. Even though her studies focused more on
those who were dying than the caregivers that were left behind, her work has had enormous
influence on the understanding of various stages of death and grief.
Why Don't We Talk About Anticipatory Grief?
I know anticipatory grief - a feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs - far
too well. My mother suffered from probable Alzheimer's disease and I was her caregiver for
nine years. As time passed she lost the ability to reason, track numbers, read a book,
understand TV, create sentences, and finally, the ability to speak.
Men and Grief
Men grieve differently from women. Our cultural roles make it difficult for men to look
for support, and harder again to accept it. Men are so often silent, solitary mourners who
immerse themselves in activity and private, symbolic rituals. They feel profoundly, but
often can't express the depth of their loss.
Funerals
Sympathy Flowers
Sending a floral tribute is a very appropriate way of expressing sympathy to a family who
has experienced the loss of a loved one. Flowers express a feeling of life and beauty and
offer much comfort to the family. A floral tribute can either be sent to a funeral service
or to the family's residence. Here are some suggestions to assist you in sending sympathy
flowers.
Coping With A Funeral
When the death of a loved one occurs, regardless or whether it was expected or not, you
will find yourself having to deal with a great number of people. Some you will know
closely, others may be complete strangers; all will be claiming some kind of relationship
to the deceased.
What is an Appropriate Sympathy Gift?
When a friend or loved one is grieving, it is hard to know what to say or how to show your
support. When you want to provide comfort and support and show your concern for a family
member, a friend, or an associate, a personalized gift is always an ideal choice. The best
gifts are those given and chosen from the heart. It says that you really care and have
taken the time to think about the time after the initial grief of losing a loved one ...
during the alone and lonely times.
Sympathy Messages
The loss of a loved one. It is often difficult to find the right words to express your
sympathy to someone during this time of sorrow. A floral tribute and supportive message
can offer much support to those grieving such a loss. Here we list some suggestions,
perhaps to inspire you as you offer your condolences with your floral tribute.
Spirituality
Afraid Of Dying? Afraid Of Living!
Over the years, I've heard many people voice their concerns of death and dying. It wasn't
that they had any maladies that would cause them to die any time soon, but they were
"afraid of their own immortality." The basic idea of death, or the potential of
death, created a mind-numbing fear that, in some cases, forced them into isolation to
avoid anything that could increase their chances of dying.
The Grief And Belief Connection
"Grief is healing: To take away our grief is to take away our healing. And learning
about life after death helps us heal with greater hope, comfort and peace." ~ Bob
Olson
Loss Involves Change - The Transformative Power of Loss and
Change
There are many experiences in life, which remind us that change is an inevitable part of
living. We then have to choose to either to resist this process or look for new ways of
finding meaning in our lives. Losing a loved one to homicide, for example, is one of those
changes that throw our lives into chaos and disarray. We are forced to see our world very
differently, knowing that things will never be the same again. Our loss involves
substantial change in every aspect of our lives.
Support and Coping
Adapting to the Loss of a Loved One: Three Tips on How to Cope
Have you ever sat down and played a piano where one of the keys wasn't working? Or made
cookies and left out an ingredient? Perhaps you've started listening to a favorite CD, and
just when it gets to your favorite part of your favorite song, you realize that there is a
scratch in it.
Grief Support: The Dos
Helpers often ask questions such as: "What should I do? What should I say? Am I doing
the right thing? Did I do the wrong thing?" Here are some suggestions for how to best
help those in grief.
Grief Support: The Don'ts
1) Don't try to make the grieving person feel better. YOU CANNOT. For
many grievers it only serves to make them feel guilty or worse. Grievers MUST experience
the pain of grief for healing to ultimately occur.
Coping with Grief - Its Called Living Through It
"Dad, I tried to wake Nana, I think she's dead." "Grandpa died
yesterday." "Oh my God, Daddy's dead.""Uncle Jack died today."
"Grandma died last night." "I'm standing with the body of your deceased
father-in-law.""Hon, I think we should get a divorce." "I'm sorry, but
we weren't able to resuscitate your mother." "Mike called. He thinks Mary is
dead.""I'm sorry to leave this on your voice mail, but Uncle Andy died last
night."
Dads, Life, and Death
When he looked at me, it was clear my father wasn't sure who I was. And as I looked back
at him, I wasn't sure who he was, either.
Who has the Worst Pain?
During the 28 years I have been interacting with bereaved people, one of the most frequent
questions I have been asked is, "Who has the worst pain?" Do bereaved parents
suffer more than widows and widowers? Do children whose parents die feel more agony than
children who lose a sibling? Is it harder to watch a loved one suffer for a long time
before death releases the victim than it is to answer the doorbell or the phone at
midnight and suddenly hear the news of tragedy? Is suicide worse than homicide? Is the
death of an "older" child more difficult to grieve than the death of a newborn
or infant?
When Sorrow Is Too Great to Be Borne Alone, Support Groups Reach
Out
Not long after Arlyn died, my husband and I decided to attend a support group program run
by the local Hospice organization. We felt lost, afraid, and alone, and we desperately
needed to understand the emotional roller coaster we were on.
Recommended Books
Available from ElderCare Online™ www.ec-online.net ©2006 Prism Innovations, Inc.