The Caregiver's Beacon Newsletter

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Caregiver’s Beacon (tm)
“Tell me why – Show me how – Hold my hand”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
May 1, 2003                                                                                        Vol. 6 No. 8
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ALZwell Caregiver Support and ElderCare Online
http://www.alzwell.com and http://www.ec-online.net
Serving the Needs of Caregivers Since 1996
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear Friends,

Mother’s Day is a bittersweet holiday for so many of ElderCare Online’s members. Those of you caring for your aging mothers or mothers-in-law see dementia robbing so many of them of their memories and personalities. You may grieve the loss of your close mother-daughter bond or the bond between a son caring for his mother or a husband caring for the mother of their children.

Throughout the journey of caregiving, you will face many challenges – and preserving this close bond in the face of such painful adversity is one of the hardest. I invite you all to share your pain, joys and reflections in the ElderCare Forum. Our Memorials section has become a central meeting place for caregivers to share information and emotions about their mothers, wives, and other female care recipients who have passed away. (http://eldercare.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x?a=frm&s=4956035941&f=3136034151).

I have included here a short poem by Mentor and poet, Dorothy Womack. Dorothy always has such an insightful and warm way with words.

The Cycle of Life, by Dorothy Womack

Every time my mother puts her hand on my face, it feels like she is touching my heart.

There are times, as I watch my mother asleep in her bed, that I long to curl up beside her, hold her tight and put both her hands in mine – attempting to offer both of us some semblance of safety and security.

But I realize that were I to fall asleep and then awaken, I would still be here upon this earth – while my mother would awaken in Heaven. I would know that I could not hold her here, nor could she take me there. Our bodies would be touching, but our spirits would be separated by death. Perhaps this is what is meant by "One will be taken – the other left". For the one who is taken actually takes their essence with them – and the one who is left behind wonders how and when they will ever see that loved one again.

For although separated by death, we are united in Love – and throughout it all, the love remains. The questions are never erased, but then neither are the memories. Such is the cycle of life. By Dorothy Womack.

Many blessings and best wishes to you this Mother’s Day.

Kind Regards,
Rich O’Boyle, Publisher
ALZwell Caregiver Support
ElderCare Online
Prism Caregiver Education Series

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

INSIDE THIS ISSUE

If you have trouble with links, the complete issue is available online at
http://www.ec-online.net/Knowledge/Newsletters/beacon050103.htm

Feature Article: “The 11th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Parent Thy Parent” by Mark Edinberg, Ph.D.
Healthy Aging: “Relaxation Resistance” by Thomas J. Schumacher Psy. D.
Elder Journal: “Stress Reduction Techniques for Caregivers” Chat Transcript
Our Sponsor: 1-800 Flowers for Mother’s Day (and Support the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America)
ElderCare Bookstore: Mothers and Daughters Books
ElderCare Forum: Some Selected Recent Posts
Chat Schedule: Updates for May
Subscription Information

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FEATURE ARTICLE: “The 11th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Parent Thy Parent” by Mark Edinberg, Ph.D.

Did you know there were really eleven commandments?

Most people who are familiar with the Judeo-Christian worldview recognize the first ten commandments, but not everyone has as much knowledge about the eleventh one, which has become more important as our society has aged. As many of you readers know, the original tem commandments are divided into the 5 shalts and the 5 shalt nots. One of them is clearly related to caregiving: Honor they father and mother. However, there seems to be considerable psychological confusion about how to do this, which has led to lots of articles and even a few books about a term that brings fear into the hearts of many caregivers: “Parenting your parent.”

I’m here today to offer a very different approach that starts with a statement of the 11th Commandment: Thou shalt NOT parent thy parent. That’s right, don’t do it, don’t even consider it, don’t go there.

Read the complete article at http://www.ec-online.net/Knowledge/Articles/11thcommandment.html

HEALTHY AGING: “Relaxation Resistance” by Thomas J. Schumacher Psy. D.

Our widespread inability to relax is rarely acknowledged. Few of us are comfortable admitting that we have a tremendous amount of difficulty in being able to relax. Come Monday morning, when asked about your weekend, you reflexively spout out that is was “great.” It is equally as common for us to list our relaxation activities (i.e., we were at the beach house, out on the boat, etc., etc.) as though these activities clearly imply that we truly enjoyed them and we were readily able to relax. However, relaxation is usually about a state of “being” and not about a state of “doing.” Therefore, no list of relaxation activities guarantees “being” in a state of relaxation.

Most people view being able to relax as simply mind over matter. Should someone tell you that they were unable to relax, you might listen sympathetically but also might feel that the person was just not exercising enough control over himself or herself. Often, we see the inability to relax as a sort of weakness on the part of the person. In addition, many people also believe that relaxation is a natural state. You just take time off, do things you like to do, and relax. If there is a barrier to relaxation, it is believed that it is linked to stress – too much work, too little money, too little time, and too many responsibilities.  Many believe that if they had both more time and more money, then relaxation would be sure to follow. News Flash: All of the above beliefs are false … relaxation is an unnatural state

Read the complete article, along with techniques to “trick” your brain into allowing you to relax at http://www.ec-online.net/Knowledge/Articles/relaxationresist.html

ELDER JOURNAL: “Stress Reduction Techniques for Caregivers” Chat Transcript

Each month ElderCare Online columnist Paul Takayanagi publishes an article and then hosts a live chat session on the same topic. For April, the topic was “Stress Reduction Techniques for Caregivers.” We have published the transcript of the April 22 session at http://www.ec-online.net/Community/transcript042203.htm.

Read Paul’s complete column where he provides two detailed stress reduction techniques that you can practice on your own at http://www.ec-online.net/Knowledge/Columns/elderjournal0403.html.

OUR SPONSOR: 1-800 Flowers for Mother’s Day (and Support the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America)

We allow a limited amount of highly targeted and relevant advertising in our newsletters and on our website. For years we have worked with Amazon.com to provide you with the most useful eldercare bookstore (see more below). Now we have partnered with the best online florist, 1-800 Flowers to provide you and your loved ones with day-brightening flowers, plants, and gifts.

There is an added bonus to purchasing flowers, plants, and gifts through us – if you enter the code “AlzCare” when you place your order, the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America will receive a 10% donation from 1-800-Flowers. It doesn’t cost you anything.

Every month 1-800 Flowers has special promotions and offers. In May, we celebrate Mother’s Day. Follow this link to the store… http://click.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/click?id=q/qoQHaGfk8&offerid=42865.10000350&type=3&subid=0. If the link doesn’t work properly, go to the front page of ElderCare Online at look for the link under “Products & Services” about half way down the page on the left.

1-800 Flowers offers SAME DAY delivery of flowers, so you can wait until the last minute and still send flowers!

ELDERCARE BOOKSTORE: Mothers and Daughters Books

I have put together a collection of special Mother’s Day books that celebrate the importance of mothers, and especially the mother-daughter bond. The book are available for sale through the ElderCare Bookstore (in association with Amazon.com).

- "Mothersongs: Poems For, By, and About Mothers” by Sandra M. Gilbert, et al.
- “At Grandmother’s Table: Women Write About Food, Life, and the Enduring Bond Between Grandmothers and Granddaughters” by Ellen Perry Berkeley
- "Chicken Soup for the Mother & Daughter Soul: Stories to Warm the Heart and Honor the Relationship" by Jack Canfield
- "Daughters & Mothers” by Lauren Cowen and Jayne Wexler
- "Dear Mom Thank You For Everything" by Bradley Trevor Greive
- "Mother & Daughter Reflections: A Celebration of a Special Bond" by Pat Ross
- "I Love You, Mom!: A Celebration of Our Mothers and Their Gifts to Us" by Kelly Ripa

The ElderCare Bookstore is more than a place for us to sell these books. It is a free “reading room” because of the numerous related articles, book excerpts, chat transcripts, and references. We continually update the store with new releases and additional items (including educational video tapes, DVDs, and computer software). Online shopping is a great way to save money and time.

Visit the ElderCare Bookstore at http://www.ec-online.net/Connections/bookstore.htm

ELDERCARE FORUM: Some Selected Recent Posts

(1) “Finding a Good Doctor:” Maintaining a constructive relationship with your loved one’s doctor can be a challenge when the “old-fashioned medical establishment” sets up ridiculous roadblocks. Join in this discussion with our members on how to improve the relationship and get things done right! http://eldercare.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x?a=tpc&s=4956035941&f=5506016051&m=4636091672

(2) “When Family Members Don’t Help:” This is a perennial problem for many caregivers, and one that I wish there were simple and permanent solutions to… But the fact is that most of us are in this for the long haul basically on our own. Here is a thread for caregivers who want to share their thoughts on the matter… http://eldercare.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x?a=tpc&s=4956035941&f=3526056051&m=8626056051

(3) “Picture Perfect!” I have changed the Forum software to allow the posting of personal pictures and digital photographs into the Casual Corner section. In the past, we were very concerned with saving space on the website, but now we can permit a limited amount of picture posting. We do reserve the right to remove pictures if we start to run out of space. All members are encouraged to post pictures in the Casual Corner Forum at http://eldercare.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x?a=frm&s=4956035941&f=5636078151.

(4) One of the most convenient features of the Forum is the ability to view the newest messages without having to browse through every listing. The “New Since Last Post” and “Today’s Active Topics” links are hidden away a little bit. You can find these links by clicking on the tiny little globe in the upper left side of the message board.

(5) I also updated the “Newcomer’s Posting Guide.” This is a great little summary of how to get started as a new member. If you have been unsure of how to get started or a little nervous about posting, please review this quick section and jump right in. The Guide is at http://eldercare.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x?a=frm&s=4956035941&f=2296097151.

If you are not already registered, I invite you to join us again in the new and improved “ElderCare Forum” at http://eldercare.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x.

CHAT SCHEDULE: Updates for May

I welcome your continued feedback on the value and role of our chatroom and sessions. We have taken the responses in the current survey to heart and will be incorporating them immediately.

Enter the chatroom from the front page of either website or at http://www.ec-online.net/chat.htm. All times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (GMT –5). We have begun to provide chats that are hosted by caregivers in Australia. Australian times are GMT +10. Hopefully this will not cause a great deal of confusion and instead give us more opportunities to connect with each other.

Our current chat schedule is posted in the ElderCare Community Center at http://www.ec-online.net/Community/communit.htm.

May 1 (Thursday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Sugarlips’ Chatroom:” Host Vicki Gardner welcomes caregivers for a social and networking discussion group on the topic of “Expressing Our Emotions.”

May 5 (Monday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Bubblehead’s Chatroom:” Host Edyth Ann Knox leads a supportive chat group for dementia caregivers on the topic of “Caregiving for People with Dementia.”

May 7 (Wednesday 5:00 to 7:00AM EST) “Ozcarers' Chatroom (or Pong's Place):" Hosts Pongfoot (David) and Splash (Edith) welcome caregivers from around the world to drop in and put their feet up for a while, chat with other caregivers and "Take a Break."

May 7 (Wednesday 1:00 to 2:00PM EST) “Sugarlips’ Chatroom:” Host Vicki Gardner welcomes caregivers for a social and networking discussion group on the topic of “Expressing Our Emotions.”

May 7 (Wednesday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Bubblehead’s Chatroom:” Host Edyth Ann Knox leads a supportive chat group for dementia caregivers on the topic of “Caregiving for People with Dementia.”

May 8 (Thursday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Sugarlips’ Chatroom:” Host Vicki Gardner welcomes caregivers for a social and networking discussion group on the topic of “Expressing Our Emotions.”

May 12 (Monday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Bubblehead’s Chatroom:” Host Edyth Ann Knox leads a supportive chat group for dementia caregivers on the topic of “Caregiving for People with Dementia.”

May 14 (Wednesday 5:00 to 7:00AM EST) “Ozcarers' Chatroom (or Pong's Place):" Hosts Pongfoot (David) and Splash (Edith) welcome caregivers from around the world to drop in and put their feet up for a while, chat with other caregivers and "Take a Break."

May 14 (Wednesday 1:00 to 2:00PM EST) “Sugarlips’ Chatroom:” Host Vicki Gardner welcomes caregivers for a social and networking discussion group on the topic of “Expressing Our Emotions.”

May 14 (Wednesday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Bubblehead’s Chatroom:” Host Edyth Ann Knox leads a supportive chat group for dementia caregivers on the topic of “Caregiving for People with Dementia.”

May 15 (Thursday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Sugarlips’ Chatroom:” Host Vicki Gardner welcomes caregivers for a social and networking discussion group on the topic of “Expressing Our Emotions.”

May 19 (Monday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Bubblehead’s Chatroom:” Host Edyth Ann Knox leads a supportive chat group for dementia caregivers on the topic of “Caregiving for People with Dementia.”

May 20 (Tuesday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Elder Journal:” Host Paul Takayanagi will host an informative discussion on the topic of “Stress Reduction Techniques for Caregivers.” The Column will be posted on May 15.

May 21 (Wednesday 5:00 to 7:00AM EST) “Ozcarers' Chatroom (or Pong's Place):" Hosts Pongfoot (David) and Splash (Edith) welcome caregivers from around the world to drop in and put their feet up for a while, chat with other caregivers and "Take a Break."

May 21 (Wednesday 1:00 to 2:00PM EST) “Sugarlips’ Chatroom:” Host Vicki Gardner welcomes caregivers for a social and networking discussion group on the topic of “Expressing Our Emotions.”

May 21 (Wednesday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Bubblehead’s Chatroom:” Host Edyth Ann Knox leads a supportive chat group for dementia caregivers on the topic of “Caregiving for People with Dementia.”

May 22 (Thursday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Sugarlips’ Chatroom:” Host Vicki Gardner welcomes caregivers for a social and networking discussion group on the topic of “Expressing Our Emotions.”

May 26 (Memorial Day) No Chats Scheduled

May 28 (Wednesday 5:00 to 7:00AM EST) “Ozcarers' Chatroom (or Pong's Place):" Hosts Pongfoot (David) and Splash (Edith) welcome caregivers from around the world to drop in and put their feet up for a while, chat with other caregivers and "Take a Break."

May 28 (Wednesday 1:00 to 2:00PM EST) “Sugarlips’ Chatroom:” Host Vicki Gardner welcomes caregivers for a social and networking discussion group on the topic of “Expressing Our Emotions.”

May 28 (Wednesday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Bubblehead’s Chatroom:” Host Edyth Ann Knox leads a supportive chat group for dementia caregivers on the topic of “Caregiving for People with Dementia.”

May 29 (Thursday 9:00 to 11:00PM EST) “Sugarlips’ Chatroom:” Host Vicki Gardner welcomes caregivers for a social and networking discussion group on the topic of “Expressing Our Emotions.”

Enter the chatroom from the front page of either website or at http://www.ec-online.net/chat.htm.

SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION

The Caregiver’s Beacon is published bimonthly by ElderCare Online and ALZwell Caregiver Support. To subscribe to this free newsletter, visit the subscription information page at http://www.ec-online.net/Knowledge/Newsletters/subscribe.htm.

You may also go to the main page of the website at http://www.ec-online.net or http://www.alzwell.com and add your e-mail address to the white box and click on the "Subscribe" button (just one click!).

To unsubscribe from this list, follow the customized link that is provided below by our ListBuilder software. You may also customize your profile and sign up for additional monthly News Briefs on special topics.

(c) 2003 Prism Innovations, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

 

Subscribe Now +++++ Return to Front Page +++++ Read Back Issues