The first stage of grieving is shock. A person does not believe the
news, and essentially becomes numb.
Tips and Techniques
When family members are in the shock stage and cannot believe the
news about the diagnosis or death, they need to:
- Talk to someone about the news and their feelings. The person with
the diagnosis and the family should share their feelings with each other if possible and
with other family members. It may be helpful to use expert listeners, such as trained
clergy, mental health counselors, social workers and nurses. Support groups are wonderful
helps.
- Be with people they love who can provide support.
- Hear genuine caring, not suggestions to "fix" the grief.
Empathy goes a long way.
- Be encouraged to keep lists of schedules, noted of callers and
appointments marked on calendars. It’s easy to forget things during this stage of
grief. Reminders can be very helpful.
Stage Two: Adjusting
The second stage shows the beginning of the adjustment process.
Tips and Techniques
People in the second stage of grieving can be encouraged to try some
of the following techniques to deal with their grief:
- Realize that what is lost, but remember what remains each day. They
can use their remaining abilities and skills to enjoy the company of the ill person and to
do things together.
- Physical exertion is a good way to deal with anger or frustration
about the situation. Swimming laps, golf, walks, scrubbing the floor, waxing the car or
furniture, trimming bushes or making bread help vent intense feelings.
- Sometimes getting out by themselves and looking at peaceful scenes
such as a flower garden, going to a museum to view rich colors or having a quiet time at a
local church, chapel or synagogue can bring relief.
- Writing down feelings on paper can help. Sometimes it helps to keep a
diary to review past experiences and gain some perspective. Sometimes it helps to wad up
the paper filled with words and toss it vigorously into the trash, a symbol of throwing
away the anger.
- Expressing oneself in painting or music also helps.
Stage Three: The New Life
The third stage of grief is the new life stage, when a person takes
steps to move on to the next phase of his or her life.
Tips and Techniques
People who are in the third stage of grief should be encouraged to:
- Seek the company of a pet, a friend or support group if they are
feeling lonely or isolated.
- Do something that is different or fun. Indulge in a movie or special
treat.
- Be with people. Go to a sports event or a free lecture at the public
library. Being around happy, healthy people can be healing.
- Try to remember what used to be fun and who used to be fun. Renew
former activities and friendships.
- Volunteer: Help others as a way to help themselves. Share what you
have learned in your journey with others who are just beginning their journey.
